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Welcome To The Family

“What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.”

-Mark Twain

fly come fly with me

You know how the awesome Fly on the Wall posts work by now. Today, 13 excellent bloggers invite you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around.

This is the real, the bizarre and the nutty as only we manage to step in it…

Welcome to the family.

taco cat

Min texts me from school: Any chance you want to deliver tacos?

Me: Any chance you want to do the dishes tonight?

Min: So that’s a no, right?

draco flour

I had a little baking spree for a few days.

I failed to close the cabinet containing my supplies, all the way.

Draco opened the door, pulled out the flour and repeatedly pounced on the bag causing it to rain flour in that portion of the kitchen. Then he got a shower, proceeded to chirp and flit through the water like a bird in a birdie bath. Like the kids, each one of these darn cats has their own personality. Wild man Draco is very sweet but totally lives up to his namesake.

stitch

I stopped drinking soda.

I’ve been a caffeine junkie for a couple of decades but my crazy digestive issues finally put a nix on my coffee habit. Never fear… Dr. Pepper would be there to see me through. The funky stomach thing makes me more of a nibbler and I tend to drink more liquids through out the day. So you can imagine that living on Dr. P wasn’t doing me any favors. It was time to break up. I’m trying to train myself to like water. We’ll see… I’m still in the stage of wanting to scream something about questioning why I hate myself so much to give up my life force.

I shall have zero vices by New Year at this rate.

Except the social awkwardness, weird anxieties and general obscurity but I’ve tried to ditch those monkeys before and it didn’t work so we embrace the traveling circus show instead. ;)

bat girl

This week the local high school has been having a spirit week leading up to the Friday night football game against their biggest rival.

Min went to school on Wednesday as BatGirl for superhero day. She was wearing her brothers underwear… good golly. I missed that fact in the A.M.

min pikachu

Then on Thursday, she borrowed K’s Pikachu suit to put over her nerdy attire to head to school.

She claimed being a rolling anime character classified as nerdy but nice and warm so she rocked it.

She had a tail. It was awesome!

People on both days pulled over to take pictures.

I love this kid’s fearless humor and willingness to participate.

hey girlBadgers and weasels tried to kill me.

They were dancing around bonfires on the beach and then tried to drowned me in the ocean.

Then I woke up.

I snuggled right next to The Prince because everyone knows scary badgers wont bite you from your dreams if you have currently disturbed the sleep of the person next to you.

“Did it try to eat you or kill you?” He asks with eyes closed.

“Both,” I reply and tell him of my woe. “A little snack of my flesh and then tossed in the ocean to be devoured by the critters.”

“You have one messed up mind.”

“Yes, I know. Now slide over, my side of the bed is all badger-y.”

bat nipples

“Na na na na na na na na na na na Bat Nipples!” Luc sings until the end where he flashes his chest at us, to revel that in fact both of his nipples contained stickers of bats stuck to them. The Prince was not amused but frankly, kid was being honest. He had bat nipples alright.

*Snort* I had to leave the room.

batmilk

The stickers then prompted this incite from Kenzie at dinner:

“Bats must have nipples because they are mammals but I’ve never really though before about bat nipples. Can you imagine if animals went to the store for formula? Kangaroos could coupon and stock up but bats aren’t equip with luggage room.”

Have you heard the newest feral song from the crap factory that gave us Rebecca Black?

Well, I was trying to describe it to the girls.

I thought I was doing an exceptional job given that the rap was about Beef and Broccoli while playing Monopoly. At the end of my spirited reproduction of a song that should have already never seen the light of day in the first place, I expected at least some funny laughs. Instead K looked deep into my eyes with a stone-like glare and stated, “You are never allowed to do that again at home or in public for any reason. Never again or we sell you.”

Guess they don’t like Chinese Food… sheesh!?

 

min

 There is singing coming from the bathroom which indicates one of two things, Luc’s in the shower or someone is stuck on the toilet and is singing an original song to get toilet paper delivered.

I know, there is no term for the strange that it us but you can’t expect something for nothing. ;)

Min was stuck and was busting a rhyme from the toilet.

I grabbed her a roll and knocked quickly before opening the door to the bathroom just large enough to stick the roll in and blindly toss it towards the toilet victim. I closed the door.

Next she screams, the glass doors to the shower jangled together, there was some thumping against the wall followed by a few more shrieks and more door banging.

“Are you being eaten by monsters?” I ask from outside the door.

“You scared me so bad, I stood up so the toilet paper almost went straight into the toilet so I swatted it but it went into the shower doors and shot back towards the toilet so I dove and smacked it again before hitting the wall. It went straight up and bounced off my back and into the wall but this time when it shot back I was sitting down,” she admits.

Min- President of the Poetry Club and aspiring member of the Olympic T.P. Juggling Team.

you get none of this

“Boys suck. They suck. They all suck. They are the most smelly, vile, nasty, dirty, gross, rude, socially unacceptable things that should not be allowed in public until they are decently trained, I have ever had to deal with in all my life,” Kenzie tells The Handsome Prince.

“You may change your mind about that,” He cautions her. “…I assume you weren’t talking about me because I am in fact, a boy.”

“I am never getting married and have to do some stupid boy’s laundry. Or have to make him dinner or act like I’m dumb and can’t live without his smelly feet on my couch. I’m going to buy my own couch, in my own house and fill my fridge with my own food. I’m going to watch my shows on the T.V. I pay for and no nasty boy is going make me watch sports, fart on my pillows or make his dumb butt a sandwich,” she rants.

“Can I come over and make you a sandwich?” he asks.

“No, you can come over to play with all the cool stuff I have because I didn’t waste my money on a boys and mom can make us sandwiches.”

Sixth grade… the last year before cooties no longer apply.

Glad I’m in the plan but you both can use the shoelace express to get yourselves to the kitchen.

No sandwich for you.

kids-beef and broc 046

I plumbed.

I fixed the sink all by myself.

It only drips a little.

I have to get a washer thingie, swear at it again and it’ll be fixed man ;)

Lesson learned:

I do not want to be a plumber when I grow up.

no time to explain, get in the llama

“Ugh, who’s been here? It smells of guilt and Brittney Spears perfume?”

Another reason why K is awesome.

apple cake, onions and picachu 092

The family has been excellent guinea pigs this week while I fed them several new creations and a few super old school favorites I haven’t had since I was little.
For those keeping track… dinosaurs were extinct prior to my birth but it was still a really long time ago.
They are really great about giving specific and detailed critiques which is most helpful.
“So, tell me about the Artichoke Rice dish?” I ask them.
“The potatoes are fabulous,” Says The Prince.
“That bad?” I ask.
“The apple cake was super dense but so moist. I loved it!” says K.
“Artichokes people… anyone have anything to say about it?” I ask.
*Crickets*
“Is this a if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it moment?”
My whole family nodded.
Everyone has big fat flops sometimes, even when you’ve been cooking for more years than not. The best ideas sometimes just don’t translate so swell but if you don’t try it you could be missing out.
Artichoke Rice made the “Don’t ever do that to us again list”… right next to tofu.;)

bob

Remember Bob?

He made his way back to the bathroom.

We’ve missed you old pal.

Don’t emancipate yourself from the wall again, alrighty?

magic mtn  10

Luc is quite the ladies man.

He went to a birthday party and when I picked him up, all 12 fourth grade girls followed him out to the truck. They all stood waving and blowing him kisses until we turned the corner.

“Wow, look who’s popular,” I comment to him as he turns a bright shade of red.

Turns out that the kid that would rather run track, geek out on video games, read or play handball has half the girls in class pining after him.

“Don’t worry Mom. I have WAY too many of you girls at home to want to deal with another one for a really really long time. If I wanted to be nagged, I’ll call my sisters.”

Practical.

snape garage

Severus Snape got locked in the garage.

The cat not the fictional character.

He was in there about thirty minutes before someone located the terrorized cat’s mournful howling.

He had climbed to the highest point in the room and cried for his people.

He has not left my side since and requires furry snuggles as often as possible.

His great grandpa is a semi wild Asian Leopard Cat. We’re talking cat of prey here and more than capable of sustaining life in the wild forests of Asia.

Our spotted Kings and Queens are such fluffy marshmallows the wild of the safe garage has set him back emotionally.

In addition to therapists for people, we need one for the pets too.

Welcome to the family! How may we scar you?

bells

I had spent the day working on a few recipes containing quite a bit of onion. I sliced twelve onions…  did you know that cat’s eyes water just like ours when around sliced onion? She looks like her eyes are closed but Belatrix wouldn’t leave my side and she’s sitting there squinting with puffy watery eyes because of the onions.

A little fact of the day.

apple cake, onions and picachu 033

I served dinner. Cleaned up dinner, washed dishes, took a shower but I still smelled like onions.

The next morning at 5 A.M., I wonder into the bathroom while The Prince is in the shower and proceed to have a brief conversation while using the loo. I rubbed my face and noticed that my hands still reeked of onion.

Naturally, I exclaim that he needs to smell my fingers.

I didn’t say why.

Without hesitation the guy opens the shower door and takes a whiff telling me to rub the kitchen sink and the metal will take it away.

Then it hit me… I asked him to smell my fingers while currently sitting on the toilet and he did it without question.

“That was some serious trust there babe,” I say giggling.

“Yeah, I thought so too when I realized what I was about to do but I was already pretty committed by that point. I figured it was a safe bet given the fact that I knew you 17 years before you farted in front of me by accident,” He stated.

“You can’t prove that ever occurred,” I profess.

“Shall we discuss the snoring then?” He asks.

If you stop right there, I’ll make you a sandwich.

Buzz around while I hit the kitchen, then click on these links for a peek into the homes of some of my favorite people letting it Fly today:

http://BakingInATornado.com          Baking In A Tornado- The gal behind the magic of Swap & Fly!
http://followmehome.shellybean.com                          Follow me home . . .
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/                Stacy Sews and Schools
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                              The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://www.menopausalmom.com/                                 Menopausal Mother
http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/                Moore Organized Mayhem
http://www.theinsomniacsdream.com/                     The Insomniac’s Dream
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                      Spatulas on Parade
http://www.therowdybaker.com                              The Rowdy Baker
http://www.trashyblog.com/                                       Trashy Blog
http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                            Dates 2 Diapers
http://sorrykidblog.com/                       Sorry kid, Your Mom Doesn’t Play Well With Others

**If you have a blog and would like participate in an upcoming Secret Subject Swap or Fly on the Wall please contact the talented lady that runs the show- the lovely Karen of Baking In A Tornado. It is fun and the writers participating are an inclusive group of awesome people. Don’t delay, sign up today!
If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

 

 

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9 comments

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  1. Stacy

    I always love your Fly posts!!! So hilarious!!!
    I keep meaning to use the sing for the TP but I always forget! LOL Right now it’s just screech as loudly as you can and hope someone hears you…..
    And I just have to say it again. I LOVE the fact that your cats have HP names! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!

  2. Michele@followmehome

    Meg, your family s hilarious. I love the costumes your daughter wore to school, and the fact that your son doesn’t “need any more girls nagging at him”. Kenzie’s view on boys rocks. I remember saying those same kinds of things. Actually, I still do :)

    Glad Bob is back where he belongs and that your badger dream was just that.
    Thanks for the laughs.!

  3. Ashley @ Sorry Kid Your Mom Doesn't Play Well W Others

    That is awesome that she is fearless enough to dress up. in high school. She is going to turn out to be an amazing lady!
    Smells like guilt and Britney Spears perfume…awesome

  4. Karen @BakingInATornado

    I SO want to live in a house where there are conversations about Bat Nipples.

    And I’m so glad Bob made his way back to the bathroom (and that you’re my friend, cause there aren’t many people I can make that kind of a comment to)!

  5. Lorinda-The Rowdy Baker

    Your message system hates me. If I sent this twice, I’m sorry!

    Meg, I have the same conundrum every week: do I save your post for last (as dessert) or dive right in? And as usual, I can’t wait. I love your writing, I adore the way you think, and I think I’m in love with your whole family. You.Are.Awesome!

  6. Menopausalmother

    I am laughing so hard!! This post is priceless. Your family sounds as weird as mine. The costumes are hilarious, the cat is outrageous and the bat nipples—oh my! But my eyes keep returning to that llama picture–TOO FUNNY!

  7. Kristi @Black Sheep Mom

    “Ugh, who’s been here? It smells of guilt and Brittney Spears perfume?”

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

  8. Dawn ~ Spatulas On Parade

    I love all the little photos and your daughter rocks it. But that song! ugh and I thought Friday Friday was ridiculous but a song about Chinese food, seriously

  9. Christy Garrett @ Uplifting Families

    I love your cat. :)

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