I never encourage deceit, and falsehood, especially if you have got a bad memory, is the worst enemy a fellow can have. The fact is truth is your truest friend, no matter what the circumstances are.
-ABRAHAM LINCOLN, letter to George E. Pickett, Feb. 22, 1841
Welcome to Take One of March’s Secret Subject Swaps. This month, Baking In A Tornado got a secret subject topic from 11 brave bloggers and assigned them each a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts!
This month my topic was submitted by the fabulous http://dinoheromommy.com/
My “Secret Subject” is:
Have you ever been caught in a lie? How did you get out of it? If not, have you caught someone else in a lie?
“Excuse Me” she screamed before slamming her bedroom door, “You’re pants are on fire! Mean sneaky rotten poop head liar!”
The slamming of the door made me wince. I glanced down to make sure there were no flames coming off my pants just in case… I was guilty as charged. It wouldn’t be a shocker if my pants ignited right there on the spot.
I could hear her in here room huffing fourth grade insults at me punctuated by her belting out “Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!” every few minutes in case her parents seem to have missed the fact that a tribe member was severely displeased.
I tried to give her plenty of space over the next few days and let the storm pass but when she refused to speak to me for the better part of a week, I got a little worried.
I gathered The Handsome Prince as back up and we went into the lair of the angry (then) tween, K. She scowled at me with tiny slits for eyes and screwed up her face into such a mug it made me chuckle.
Note to self: Laughing at an angry stubborn kid is the equivalent of running around a stadium full of bulls wearing a red cape and unitard.
It was not helping my cause in the slightest.
“I thought it was fun sweetheart. How would you feel if you were the only one left out of the magic?” I tried to reason with her.
“You lied to me my WHOLE life! How can I trust you ever again?! You bend to peer pressure and lie to your kid and you want me to be okay with this? If the other moms jumped off a cliff would you?” K says with an added sneer to her last question.
“Baby, really I thought I was doing the right thing. Cut me a little slack please… it was kinda cool, right?” I say trying to crack the stubborn surface of a kid that rivals only myself in the like a freaking mule category.
The corner of her lip twitches upward ever so slightly and then reverts back to a scowl. She’s going to crack. Three more days and she finally started speaking to me but calling me Meg instead of Mom for most of the following month.
Got any marshmallows? My pants are just about the right temperature to make S’mores.
I had lead her to believe that all of her fantasies about the tooth fairy were indeed real.
I took her to see movies about The Tooth Fairy, we read books, I spun bedtime stories about the beautiful winged fairy that visits while you sleep to collect teeth in exchange for dollars.
These dollars were not just any U.S. currency. Nope, no sir! To make it special and create fun memories I would add glitter to those bills so the fairy money shined like a disco ball. I’d set my alarm for the dead of the night when I could be assured all was quiet on this Western front. Like a skilled ninja I would traverse the montage of stuffed animals, horses and books to locate the tooth under the right pillow and leave the sparkling treasure behind.
One evening K had lost a tooth and we placed it under her pillow.
She had decided that she would set a trap for the tooth fairy because nothing in the entire would would be more fabulous than hanging out with a random creature that broke into your home to snatch kids teeth. She built a wall of stuffed animals and placed a certain pig on the top. This little piggy didn’t got to market when dropped- he softly grunts, snorts and squeals. I would come to find out later that she knew that it was just loud enough to wake her so she lay there trying not to sleep.
Of course in the dark I didn’t notice the wall-o-animals while I was paying attention to the sweet little blonde sleeping with her back turned to me on the top bunk of the bunk bed she shared with her older sister.
The pig went oink and I froze like a deer in the headlights but the top bunk toothless wonder seemed to sleep on.
I crept forward quietly and skillfully located the tooth with the tips of a couple of fingers. I left the bills and got the tooth. Just as I pulled back my hand with the tooth K whipped around to look directly at me.
I couldn’t shove the tooth into my pocket or I’d be busted for sure.
So I panicked and pretend yawned effectively putting her tooth into my mouth with one foul swoop.
“What are YOU doing here?” she questioned me.
What did I do?
“Nofing.” I replied trying to sound normal but doing a woeful job of it.
“What’s in your mouth?” she eyed me suspiciously.
I was already pretty committed at this point so I did the only thing that came to mind…
Yup, I swallowed the tooth.
“What are you taking about? I was just checking on you guys and tucking you in,” I said with feigned indigence and wanting to gag. I did a little and pretended to yawn again.
She was so suspicious and I had just barely pulled it off. That’s some super nutty skills folks.
A couple of years later she would bust me at 3 A.M. sans wings, swiping a tooth from under her brother’s pillow and leaving glittery loot. She went ballistic, came unhinged and determined that her entire childhood was a farce… all before dawn. The magic was dashed and I was proven to be the biggest liar of them all.
Someone quick call the police! My daughter was given the opportunity to create, use her imagination and enjoy being young. That’s right I totally looked right into those beautiful blue eyes and got her all excited for a visit from one of the coolest fairies. Then I followed through and made her believe in the magic.
I should be punished severely.
She eventually grew past that moment and could see her visits from the tooth fairy with a warm special fondness. I’ll remember it as the time I ate a bone that came from my kid’s body, paid her for the disgusting privilege, lied my butt off and then was hated with the fury of ten thousand suns for several weeks. Awesome Possum!
I believe in telling kids the age appropriate truth but I also believe that there is a great deal of magic in the world. So what if I had to help it along a little and bribe my kids with glitter coated cash to help them find a bit more excitement, mystery and unadulterated joy around here.
I’d do it all again… except the whole eating of the tooth thing.
Gag me with a spoon!
Get comfy and check out all of the fabulous Secret Swappers this month!
A wealth of talent NOT to be missed…
http://BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes
http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://followmehome.shellybean.com Follow me home . . .
http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem
http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream
http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/ The Sadder But Wiser Girl
http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://menopausalmother.blogspot.com/ Menopausal Mother