How Was I Supposed To Know It Wouldn’t Kill Me?!

“A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.” 

~American Proverb


I was raised amongst the Giant Redwood Trees.

They are one of the things I miss the most about Northern California. Wandering through the trails of Redwood Park is a magical experience that I sorely miss.

As Summer 2011 drew to a close, my Handsome Prince and I looked at our weathered patio furniture. We had both fell through a chair that summer so we decided we we’re going to have to bite the bullet and purchase a new set before we ask any of our friends and loved ones to take their rear and pride in their own hands by taking a seat. Park it at your own RISK!

Summers are for grilling out! We’re too old for folding chairs for our “bros” and really not Front Gate type of people. We starting looking around to get an idea. We kept coming back to redwood. We both LOVE it so naturally the Handsome Prince sees our decision as a challenge to rise to and bring a fancy schmancy set of tools with him. 🙂

Before I knew it the Prince had found a kit that he intended to build and like magic it arrived on the doorstep.

The very next week we found an amazing deal on the redwood we wanted to use! We purchased it all for less than half of the cost of the only alternative set we’d found. So I was feeling like we were being super saving rockstars! Wow! It’s going to be so awesome we thought as we loaded the lumber into our garage in October 2011.

Oh the wood is still there… June 2012.

I have invited people for dinner so we would have no choice but to build it.

I say “we” a bit liberally as I’m sitting in the office in the air conditioning while my Handsome Prince it sawing and sealing in the sun. 🙂

Just so happens we choose to do it the same week that we’re moving the ENTIRE warehouse to a new location too.

I’m exhausted just thinking about what’s coming next week. :/  You’d think the boss people would think of these things and plan them better, tisk tisk. 😉

I think we’re a better people under pressure sometimes. However, my Handsome Prince really enjoys wood work and building projects so he’s having a wonderful time now that I’m not involved. Gasp… I was sent inside due to a near death experience that wasn’t.

I was accosted by a HUGE Black Bee!?

Last weekend K had come in from gardening to report that a large bee had taken possession of the back yard and we’re just going to close the blinds and let him have it. I figured it was her ruse for sneaking out of her chore so I went out back to see what she’d been up to.

5 steps out the backdoor, I saw she’d gotten much done and had done a beautiful job with the vine.. ZOOOOOM! I was buzzed by a loud black blurr. Luc screamed, ” Run! It’s after you!”

When someone warns me to run, I tend to do so quickly but awkwardly with as little grace as is found in the average pinky nail. To further complicate issues, I am horribly allergic to bees. The Handsome Prince says it’s really tough to keep me alive given that I run outside without shoes all the time and always seem to find my way into the most bee filled situations. I’m amazed he even allows honey in the house. I guess I give him every reason to be paranoid. Warned that BeeZilla had taken over the yard and I, lady who stops breathing when dancing with bees thinks, hmmm, sound rational to walk right on out there, barefoot and say hi to BeeZilla personally. 

This was like a Ninja BeeZilla, super fast and seemed intent to show me that I was in a restricted area. Luc came running waving a beach towel  saving me from my reenactment of a scene from The Birds and we made it back inside the house. K was right, Ninja BeeZilla could have the yard. The Prince wanted to know what the screaming was all about and even though we gave him our very best dramatic reenactment of what had been occurring, he just looked at us a little perplexed but after this long has learned sometimes it’s better not to question the crazy, least you get sucked in. 🙂

Ninja BeeZilla did not appreciate when I fired up the grill last night.

I was dashing in and out, ever awear that sucker was flying about waiting for the right time to do what ever Giant Weird Freaky Black Bees do to a person.

They laughed at me at dinner when I spoke of our new resident.

The great patio set building weekend has commenced! Tools, saw and wood were all arranged according to how the Handsome Prince had planned to attack his project. As I stood yapping, BONZI Ninja Beezilla swooped down flying so close it made the hairs on my neck stand straight up. The sucker abruptly turns and zeros back in on his obvious target… ME!

Screeching and squealing like I was auditioning for a horror flick as I fled around the front yard like a chicken on the loose.

First of all, I was in violation of the don’t be a spectacle in front of the neighbors bargain we try to uphold and second I was just found to be be in violation of being outside running around without shoes. My Handsome Prince shooed the pesky insect away and banned me to the indoors. After giving me the ‘i’ve told you a zillion times/role model/you could die if you don’t listen to me’ kinda look that only my Dad and my Handsome Prince are capable of tossing me. I got in trouble… BUT the BEE started it! 🙁

Ninja Bee wants me dead!

I have the insect equivalent to Jaws outside the door!

Ha! 2 can play homicidal games! I went to the computer to look up how to kill lady eating zombie ninja bees.

OK, so maybe I looked up “huge killer black bees”. In my defense I don’t believe that was being too over dramatic given the Zombie Ninja Bees recent murderous attempts on my life!

Ninja Bee? Yeah, so… um… maybe… ah, they don’t even have a stinger at all and burrow into wood. Not so much Ninja BeeZilla as Carpenter Bee. 🙂

So now that I know that it’s a great big annoying insect, I’m tempted to name it. Now that I know for certain it’s not going to make me puff up like a Macy’s Day float and discontinue that pesky habit of breathing. Tempted to secretly high five my stealthy new pet for getting me out of having to use power tools. 😉

My Handsome Prince is doing a lovely job and I’m really excited to have our very own Redwood Patio Set. I love watching the kids come and go, helping and learning new lessons from a very patient Daddy. We have some big plans for s’more roasting and BBQ’s soon!

Summer might be the very best season of the whole year… when Ninjas aren’t trying to get you!

‘Tis the season for Flip Flop Wearing,




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