A-Z Challenge Week 4: D

If your just tuning in… Love Kate has extended a challenge!

It’s NEVER to late to join the challenge too!

Each week, using a new letter of the alphabet, write something about you. Write about your life, your journey, anything. Include pictures, links, anything to tell your story.

I am floored weekly at the AMAZING posts people are writing for this challenge!

Be sure to visit Love Kate, share and get inspired!

D was starting to thwart me.

There are many descriptions of me that begin with the letter D but non excited me. Nothing stood out, grabbed me and then rolled around my head for a few days. Other letters leaped out and I started a notebook of prompts for other weeks. Then there was D again… mocking me.

I have a dog that I talk about all the time, struggles with depression, disillusionment with things, dislikes but eh, not really feelin’ it.

For a  while I thought this might be titled Don’t… because I don’t want to think about D anymore.

I don’t want to dwell on things that drag me down right now.

The past several weeks driving myself harder, longer hours, less sleep, more to do that needed to be done yesterday, driving a crash course to my own derailment.

Deeper thinking about my crux only made me more anxious.

Then it hit me… My D is for Dysfunctional.

I once believed that dysfunctional was an ugly label.

I should be ashamed that I might do or see things differently than others.

Follow the herd!

I tried and tried but it only gave me a bad case of self doubt and convinced my thoughts were always incorrect. I stopped trusting myself and had to work extremely hard to hide my funny little secret.

Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone but I’m never enough and the worst at everything.

I focused on everything that I wasn’t and it was destroying me slowly.

Then My Handsome Prince stepped into my life and changed the dirty secret to a positive.

“Why do you care so much what other people think or say?” He pressed.

Honestly, I don’t like people too close. They might see that I’m woefully weird and not like everyone else.

“What’s wrong with THAT?! There is no one like you and THAT is why I can’t live without you.”

Over the years he built me up, fostered my odd creative side, embraced my weird habits and showed me that I’ve always been exactly enough, loving me through the process.

Most don’t think of a dream vacation as piling kids and pets into an RV for weeks and months at a time to hit the highway.

Some think it bizarre that we lust after large sustainable gardens, chicken coops and open space.

Dreams of splitting wood, building with our two hands and creating something from nothing isn’t the norm.

I wake up thinking about what I’m going to cook for dinner EVERY morning. By dinner it’s blown into a multi course festival of flavors… I can’t help it, it makes me happy.

I hate the sound of the phone and speaking with strangers unnerves me BUT that’s a HUGE part of our business. I get up HOURS before everyone to walk myself through yoga and meditation so that I can be ready for the day.

Speaking on the phone weirds me out but I am totally comfy standing up to address a large audience about topics that are important to me.

I go to great lengths to prepare for situations.

 I’d rather carry an extra 20 lbs of water bottles in my backpack through Disneyland and a killer first aid kit before paying the price or admitting I need something.

The biggest part of my dysfunction is needing to feel like I am prepared to take anything on without help. I  sometimes forget that I have a partner that has needs to be addressed as well and is willing to be a part of the solution.

He’s working on helping me to learn to respectfully disagree without jumping straight to the defensive. A skill that is more difficult than one could begin to imagine.

I am not perfect.

I try really hard But…

I like to read medical journals. I carry on conversations with our animals as if they were holding up their end. I could walk away from every material possession I own tomorrow and never look back. I’ve had that tested and yes, it’s weirdly true. I am the only person that is allowed to speak to me so badly. I walk into every situation looking like I have it nailed but inside I’m shaking like jello. I’d happily never leave my house if I was allowed to do so. I shower when upset, confused or trying to think through something… everyone knows I’m off when I’m on my 3rd shower before dinner. Running water helps me clear my head. I believe in eating chocolate cake for breakfast and painting something that needs be put on canvas, only to give it away. I loathe wearing shoes and have been wearing the same toe ring since my 16th birthday so I always have a piece of my Hawaii with me. Salt water and sand cures me. When I’m not teaching yoga, I listen to Nikki Minaj when I practice for me alone. I like to look at clothes on racks but I favor jeans/ t’s or tanks and yoga pants. I like to think I sew well but call my mommy for direction before starting a project. I can’t bring myself to measure and follow a recipe but I collect cook books like it’s the in thing to do. I’d be most happy if our warehouse would allow for a working stove so I could cook while I work, always. Who doesn’t work better in a chocolate chip smelling environment?

I’m scared of my shadow but you’d never know it by meeting me.

I keep a bigger louder personality to keep people at bay.

I can shine and dazzle like a puppet on strings but for a very short period of time before my coach turns back into a pumpkin.

This life is too short and precious to waste being something I’m not.

I do a lot of things badly.

If I don’t try then I’ll never know if I might love it… doing it badly with joy is just fine in my book.

As I learned and grew, I found that I am just right in this dysfunctional skin I live in.

I know I am loved unconditionally by those that mean the most so it’s safe to go into this world being exactly who I am.

Being honest about my needs and insecurities makes me a better more understanding individual.

It makes me a human trying to be the best I can.

Sometimes I need to be picked up and dusted off.

I’d rather be a person in progress for the rest of my life.

I keep a wide open mind so my net catches all the best.

We put the fun in DysFUNctional…

and THAT is just right.



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