“If you feel the urge, don’t be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?”
– Will Rogers
When my people were small, I spent a lot of time at parks so they could run and play.
The older versions of my little people prefer to head to the hills with me now for a good hike than hit the slides anymore.
We had some time to spend on that side of town so it was decided we’d spend that time enjoying “The Duck Park”.
A nifty place that hosts a man made lake stocked with fish, the public swimming pool, neat recreation area, picnic place and two fun sets of equipment for the kiddos to enjoy.
We set out to walk along the lake and enjoy all the birds.
If you have not heard tales of satanic bird that tried to KILL me or the fact that ALL feathered friends HATE me with the fury of 10,000 suns… you may read about it HERE.
I’m crouched down messing with the settings on my camera and I hear Min giggling.
“Mom, You’re about to get goosed.”
Stalker Goose was sneaking up behind me.
He seemed to know that the camera meant that it was time to be handsome and proceeded to strut around.
“Aww, look who’s popular amongst the avian community.” quips Min when it was clear that I had a new pal.
Around the lake we went.
Stalker goose in tow.
Every time I took my eyes off my stalker goose to look at something else one of the kids would inevitably say, “About to get goosed!” and I’d catch Mr. Stalker Goose so close I could have made roasted stalker for dinner.
Goose Love or Plotting My Demise?
I figured given my experience with friends of the feathered variety, it was safe to assume the latter and hatch my escape plan before my liver was served with some fava beans.
HONK! (insert scary goose squawk here please)
I lost him in the trees.
However this was not the best plan.
Three of my four kiddos were still hanging out by the lake while I’m being held hostage in the trees by a goose.
Fine Family Fun, eh?
A hoard of birthday party attendees started storming past the patch of trees in droves, armed with sacks of bread to feed the spoiled fat fowl.
With ninja quick moves I darted out of the trees with the intention of throwing off the scary bird by joining the crowd and thus making it back to my family.
What I really did was careen more like Scooby-Doo into some tree roots and send myself sprawling in a half sitting, half grass surfing position with a totally undignified expression upon my horrified face as I screamed S#*T in the longest loudest most drawn out speed of light moment ever flying down the grassy hill.
Not a soul at the park missed my epic slide… including stalker goose. Although I think he was a little embarrassed of me, as he seems to hang a little further back.
“Way to educate the future of tomorrow,” said Min with a high five because it was just pretty darn funny.
I saved the camera!
“And corrupted small minds!” she says trying really hard not to laugh hysterically.
I went for blending in and I was doing rather well.
“Don’t look now but we’ve picked up a creeper,” Min whispers at me.
Naturally I look.
It doesn’t blink.
“It’s eating my soul!” Min giggles.
“Uh Oh! Goose-zilla has locked on and is coming for you!” She teases.
“Mom, About To Get Goosed!” she adds with a little more urgency now.
“For the record, if it comes this way kid. Good Luck, Zebra!” I say to her referring to the fact that a zebra will sacrifice it’s child to a predator to save the rest of the heard.
We lived. The goose was just after the bread a little girl close to use was throwing.
Good thing we didn’t freak out.
Since he was occupied, super close and happy, I got some pictures of him.
His feet just didn’t look real!?
***SWISH- something flew inches overhead***
Creeper Bird Attack!!!
He swooped right in and stole Goose-zilla’s bread.
Goose-zilla was clearly miffed and pouting.
Seems my stalker goose couldn’t help himself and had to check in on what the commotion was all about.
“Why did the pigeon cross the road?” I ask.
“I have no clue.” Min replies.
“wait a second… you were asking the bird weren’t you!”
Stalker goose retreated to his waters and we took it as a cue to FLEE!
“I think he’s coming for my liver!”
“Nothing is coming for your liver… run faster!”
We ran all the way back to the truck.
Trying to get my keys out I hear ” About To Get Goosed!!!” as Luc points to the sky where several ducks were coming in for a landing right behind the truck.
Scream for your life Party of 4… you may now scream as if someone is trying to chop you into pieces until safely piling back into the truck with doors locked.
You never know about those ducks.
“Mom you need to accept that birds don’t like you and move on.” Kenzie chimes in. “Why mess with the bull?”
I have given birth to Dear Abby.
Maybe I looked up a few times on the way home to be sure there was no goose or creeper birds following along.
I was sort of afraid he’d be on the doorstep when we got home.
Hello! I’ll be your goose!
Maybe that’s what I get for not bringing offerings of bread and stale cereal!
Looking out for the goose mafia,
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